Tangan Mr. F singgah di paha, menyentakkan fikiran aku yang menerawang jauh.
"Kau okay ke?"
Aku tersenyum, mahupun secara paksa sambil mengalihkan tangannya. Kalau lama-lama dekat situ maybe perut aku akan buat somersault balik, like how it wasn't supposed to.
"Kau nak bawak aku makan pergi mana ni?" Aku bertanya, cuba mengelak menjawab soalan yang diajukan tadi. Sejujurnya, aku tak okay but then aku malas nak panjang-panjang cerita dengan dia.
Mr. F tersenyum dan hati aku kembali bergetar melihat bibir itu. Get a grip, Sam!
"Surprise la, der."
Aku tak pernah bercerita tentang Mr. F di blog ini. Maybe sebab my feelings for him are still mixed so aku tak nak fikir sangat. Mainly because I'm still studying and kena focus even when everyone kata umur aku ni dah layak ada life-partner.
Lol, rasa nak tergelak pun ada.
Aku kenal Mr. F from a friend. Actually dia sepupu kawan aku and is 3 years older than me.
We met a year ago waktu aku masih lost, waktu aku masih depressed and still searching for a light. I never told him about my family problems or my suicidal attempt but then he just plainly understands everything.
And that is why I never wrote about him in this blog, sebab kalau aku tulis, aku rasa macam dah betray dia. But then, the closer we got, the mixed I got.
Aku dah anggap dia macam abang sendiri since dia banyak tolong aku get over everything and live your life the way you want. He once told me, "I never want to see you hurt. So please, don't do stupid things anymore."
And that just touched my heart deep inside, like seriously deep. Huhuu.
He's obviously straight, I just knew it and that is why aku tak nak berharap terlalu tinggi. Sebab kalau tinggi-tinggi sangat, nanti jatuh sakit. So, I keep every one of my feelings for him bottled inside but then sometimes everything gets too overwhelming and I just had to write it down here.
Dear Mr. F, what should I do with you?